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Behind the Tutorials

Written by Tania Rascia on

Despite the fact that I've been consistently writing on here for six years now, I've said very little about myself. The writing has been mostly dry, and very technical.

A lot of that has to do with the way the site is laid out - for example, after writing a several thousand word diatribe about Redux or the event loop, it always seemed strange to follow it up the next day with some casual little blog post about what's going on in my life, or something serious or personal. I also wanted people to see the posts I've worked hard on and didn't want them to get drowned out by unrelated posts. I've tried to use tags and categories in the past to solve this, but it never has for me.

So I've decided on having a completely separate area of the site where I can feel free to write about whatever I want. Anything personal, casual, or random will go in "Notes", and I'll keep all my technical writing in "Articles". (One more step towards turning this blog into a digital garden.)

The other reason is, of course, not really knowing how open and personal I want to be on the internet. I don't know how much I want to reveal about myself to every other human being on the planet (and, potentially, in low Earth orbit), especially knowing that everything online is forever. It's been my modus operandi to mostly keep to myself in public spaces on the net for many years. The one area I occassionally interact publicly, Twitter, has been mostly as detached and technical as this site.

I don't have any thoughts or feelings that I'm particularly concerned about sharing, it's just the antithesis between a desire for privacy and a desire to be heard...a desire not to draw too much attention to myself, and a desire to show off.

In any case, this will be a little experiment for fun. Another thing about technical writing is that it's relatively ephemeral, and a lot of my writing has been about learning a particular technology that may not be relevant or helpful in a few years, so it would be nice to have something up that might be relatable for a longer period, and I feel like it would be nice for myself to have some reference of what life was like at various times. I'm going to leave comments off though, if you have any comments you can always just email me.

Right now, in life, I feel very content. I've recently started getting into a habit of waking up early, something that has never been a habit for my entire life, and taking a walk in the brisk cold to get a coffee from one of the many cafes that are a mile or so away. Being a remote worker for the first time has afforded me a lot more free time due to a reduction in commute time, meaning I get more sleep and the mornings aren't a struggle anymore. It's been really nice. I've also been going to the gym at least twice a week.

I enjoy my job. Considering at least half of your waking hours are spent working, I consider this a big deal. There are enough challenges and opportunities to keep it interesting, but not so many challenges that effort seems futile. And the people are great. I've certainly had my fair share of jobs that I dreaded going to in the morning - practically a whole decade of it in my career as a chef - so it really makes a difference.

So yeah, it's a good time for me, overall I feel really content. A stable job, a career I love, all my basic needs met, enough social activity to not feel lonely, enough free time to feel relaxed, no nagging anxiety or blues keeping me down.

I also feel aimless. I don't want much. I think things like maybe eventually I should buy a house instead of renting, but I don't feel much passion for it. I have vague ideas of some bucket list things I'd like to do, like going on a long thru-hike such as the Pacific Crest Trail, or doing a long bike/camp trip. I'd like to be a little healthier and fitter. But I have no additional career, business, or startup aspirations, except maybe a vague notion I'd like to work somewhere like Netflix at some point. I don't have a hobby outside of coding and writing that I feel passionate about at the moment, like art or music. I'd like to be in a good relationship, but I'm feeling pretty happy with my own company right now.

So there's the double edged sword of feeling content. It feels like I can be capable of so much more, but I don't know what. I hoard my time like a dragon hoards gold, turning down requests that come in until they stop, because I don't want to put my time into things that aren't meaningful for me. I'm glad that even when I'm not sure about much, I can still get into the flow state with coding. I would just like to find it again for something that isn't code.

Here's an ABBA song for the occasion. It basically sums it up.

Comments? Feel free to email me.

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